24 Hours of Cancer

(Lynn) My mom said something great today at 4 o'clock: "24 more hours, and you don't have cancer anymore". In all the worry about the surgery and what it means, combined with the focus on the chances of recurrence, I'd forgotten all about this simple fact. The chemo knocked the cancer down to a (flat) golf ball sized lump, and the surgery will scoop out the remnants. Although there may be microscopic cancer cells circulating around my body, the cancer I've come to know so intimately over the last four months will be gone.

All I can say is, it has been a long week.

I've spent a long time looking in the mirror, both figuratively and literally. For me, dealing with cancer has meant 'going in', as my cousin says. Going inside my own perceptions about myself and the world, listening to my (constantly changing) feelings, and trying to regain equilibrium. On any given day, I am despondent, raging, resigned, and peaceful. This week has been the worst, emotionally, though I have felt the best physically.

The best part of the week has been the incredible outpouring of love and support we've received from every corner of the earth. I really needed you all this week, and you've been amazing. I am ready for the surgery tomorrow...I can't say excited, but I am as ready as I can be. It is just a change from one form to a new form. Caterpillars do it all the time, so how hard can it be?

(Zack) To the business at hand -- All of you have inquired about location information and timeframes. We know that we will be at the hospital until later in the day on Tuesday. I will post once I have more information on rooms, but here's the basics:

Lake Forest Hospital
660 North Westmoreland Rd
Lake Forest, IL 60045
847.234.5600

Thanks again to everyone for their support this far. This is a major step for us (but mostly Lynn). It has meant the world that you have been with us.



Something to focus your thoughts for the next 24 hours....

Chemo 8 Complete!

With a bow and flourish, we happily announce that we are finished with the first batch of chemo! Hooray! I had one bad day (Saturday), but have overall been OK. So, now, we are hoping and wishing and praying as hard as we can that this last round of Taxol will clean up all the remaining tumor, as this would remove the need for more chemo next year.

It has been a tumultuous last few weeks, trying to integrate the joy of being nearly finished with chemotherapy, the dread of upcoming surgery, and the terror of the possibility of more chemo and what that could mean. Thankfully, we get a few weeks off to process everything that has happened before we need to assimilate any new information. Although "wait and see" is not really something Zack and I are good at, we are grateful for a little break (or, we could just be too tired to worry about anything else right now). After surgery, we'll start another round of doctor's appointments to plan the next stages, and we should have a revised plan by Christmas. Right now, though, we are focused on Thanksgiving/Christmas with the Gazley clan, eating, drinking, and making merry.

Surgery Update

Turns out the hospitals and two surgeons couldn't coordinate on December 7th. The surgery has been rescheduled for the morning of December 3rd (Monday). So, all things going well, I should be home by Wednesday, December 5th. (They did offer to let me wait until December 14th, instead, but I couldn't imagine waiting any longer. I am already nervous enough!)

We had a good meeting with the plastic surgeon this week, rounding out our medical visits. The most reassuring thing we heard from him was that if something goes wrong with the implants, or I decide I just don't want to deal with them, or anything else, he can just take them out without any further consequences. The skin and muscle will all collapse back, and be fine. For some reason, having a little wiggle room feels very safe.

We were also very pleased that Dr L has already talked to my radiation oncologist (a person I haven't met yet) about coordinating the radiation and expanding the implants. I am very lucky to have team of such good communicators.