This Too Shall Pass

So, with extreme coaxing from Lynn, I've bought myself a few toys. One of them is a new Mac laptop. To put this laptop in perspective, where I used to happily eat a bucket of wings or ribs without a napkin at my HP laptop, I feel like I need to clean the counter and wash my hands before I use this computer. I wonder if this will throw me over the edge and upwards to new heights of OCD. For now, though, joy!

Chemofog

Chemofog: the low wattage brainpower associated with chemotherapy leading to aimless wandering from activity to activity.

Unfortunately, Chemo #3 seems to have kicked my tail both mentally and physically. I've been keeping my bucket close by for the last several days, and have been napping more than before. I seem to be coming out of the physical doldrums today(phew), but finding something engaging to do at my current brainpower is proving a challenge. I'll try sewing stuff next - I want to recover a couch, which should tire me out pretty well. But right now, I am bored...and bored of being bored.

Chemo 3

I just woke up from my first post-chemo nap (3 hours this time). Three down, five to go. I am feeling more wiped out by this round already, though Dr. B assures me this is normal. The chemo treatments build up in difficulty through round four, then get easier when I switch to taxol in rounds 5-8.

Turns out I have a mutation in the BRCA2 gene which I inherited from my mom's side of the family. It is hard knowing that because I have it, it means my mom definitely has it, and my sister and brother each have a 50-50 chance of having it, too. The odds of having breast cancer go up astronomically (which, in my case, seems a 'no sh*t, Sherlock' conclusion). Unfortunately, so do the odds of breast cancer recurring as do the odds of having ovarian cancer. Now Zack and I make the tough decisions. Do we do a mastectomy? A bi-lateral mastectomy? An oophorectomy? We are thinking we will wait to take out the ovaries until I am at least 40, just on the slim chance I have retained some fertility from the chemo. We won't do any more fertility treatments, but...I can't give up the tiny maybe I have left. The mastectomy decision is also a hard one. We clearly had a bad experience with surgery, and are NOT looking forward to a major one. So, we need to balance the 'do it once and get it over with' impulse with 'this is (for now) healthy tissue we'd be hacking off' idea.

OK, back to the couch for me. Another nap is calling...

A View of a Room

My room in which to heal.



First: it is beautiful. I couldn't be any more pleased with the way the back room has come out. The walls are a light blue above the chair-rail, darker blue below, and all the trim is white. Quite the transformation from dingy white walls and sage green trim. The neighbors don't think it has been painted since the addition was constructed in the 1980s. Now, it is clean and cheerful and makes me feel happy.



Second: what an amazing turnout of help! The McDonnells started this juggernaut on Monday and Tuesday, getting two coats on the top, one on the bottom, and one on the trim. Michaela put another coat on the trim on Thursday. My sister, brother, mom, & dad added the final coat to the bottom, did all the trim, AND finished the built-in shelving unit on Saturday and Sunday. (Labor Day weekend for Gazleys often lives up to the name).



I am completely overwhelmed by the sheer amount of willing help we've received throughout this whole process - and I don't just mean painting my room. The rides everywhere, returning books to NU library, the food, the company, washing dishes, spreading mulch, calling and saying hello... It amazes me. Thank you.