Bald and Beautiful

The day we all knew would come is here---or at least close enough for comfort. Lynn's hair has begun to come out much more aggressively (a good sign the chemo is working). Rather than deal with this slow retreat, she has decided to go at it full boar. Tomorrow morning we are going to shave her head (sorry Rhea/Jemma/Steve--the hair won't make it to the party).

Today was hard. Day two of our anniversary---she is gift enough for me (but sometimes I need to say it a bit more so she gets it---and realizes I don't need a present or even dinner). More exhaustion and productive nausea. Looks like chemo day three (or the second day after chemo) is that kind of day. I think I prefer the day of chemo where there is just strong fatigue, but then again, perhaps just the normal days of week two---slight fatigue, but basically ok.

I'm tired too. Been a long week. And I still have a large pile of mulch and a grass that needs to be cut---constant reminders of my household neglect. Sigh.

It Works!

The official word from Dr. B is that the chemo is definitely working. The tumor hasn't grown, and feels softer. (Dr. S said that it felt like concrete at first)

Hooray!

Comfort

Today's chemo seemed better than the last time through already. Perhaps it's just becoming more familiar. It took a long time---we got there around 9:45 and didn't get out of there until 2pm. They took the extra tubing and needle out when they were done and Lynn says it feels much better to have the bandage and needle off.

She is already conked out upstairs. I expect to wake her at 8pm for anti-nausea meds and then let her sleep the rest of the night. One bonus for today is that the office won't be open tomorrow so she got the growth factor today. Looks like Sarah & Lynn will have a free day tomorrow---which will probably look like Lynn napping and Sarah working, but it's nice to be able to skip a trip to the doc.

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Chemo #2 thoughts

It all seems much more real now. We were nervous for the first treatment - 'what will this be like?', 'how sick will I be?' - but now I seem to have settled into low level dread. At this point, I am writing off the rest of this week. Except for some knitting projects and a novel or two, I don't expect to have much oomph until after the weekend. And I am trying to get excited about toast. (Toast! Toast! Of foods you're the duke. The more you eat the less you...)

My hair has started coming out in clumps. There is quite a pile in front of my sink in our bathroom, and I've already blocked the bathtub drain. For all you men worried about balding, I have vast new reservoirs of empathy. Though, I must admit, the purple sheen on the pile still makes me laugh. I am just hoping by some miracle to keep my eyebrows.

Dr. S left a coil of tubing hooked into my port after the surgery, which should come out today. I am hoping that once it is gone it will stop hurting, and the feeling will come back into my left hand. (My pointer finger and thumb feel as if they are asleep all the time.) Since I have taken to knitting as my de-stressing activity (active meditation?), I could use the sensitivity back. It will be nice not to have any more needle sticks, though.

We are really hoping Dr. B sees a difference in the size of the tumor at the appointment today. It would be much easier to do this if we knew the chemo works.

A View into Alzheimer's

Lynn had surgery today. Before I get to deep into it, it went fine. She now has a "power port" in her chest which is now a direct access for chemotherapy and any test-related injections. She has pain which we hope goes away soon as she is only on extra-strength Tylenol. She is eating and drinking again, but is also back on the anti-nausea medication.

We got there at 1:30pm for the paperwork and preliminaries, but unfortunately the hospital was backed up because of an emergency patient (or that's what I heard). We were supposed to be in surgery by 3pm, but we didn't leave the room until 3:30pm. Surgery was supposed to be relatively quick (30-45min + 30min post-op recovery) and then I'd get to see her. I didn't see the doctor until 5pm. I was supposed to wait 15 minutes and then call the recovery room to see her or they'd come and find me.

I call in 15 and they say she's still recovering and would come to get me when they were ready (she was ready? they had time? who knows?). They came 5 minutes later and walked me to her room. This next paragraph relates one of the hardest moments of my life. The waiting to see her, paled in comparison.

I got to the room and she was hysterical. No idea where she was or why she was there. When she said my name I almost cried. It was the first thing out of her mouth--meaning she recognized who I was. I spent the next thirty minutes trying to calm her down by holding her hand and letting her know it was ok and by just getting her to breathe slowly (she was hyperventilating). By the end of about an hour she was calm (though nauseous) and had almost a complete recollection (at least as much as she would ever have). She remembered up to the point the anesthesiologist started the drugs to a foggy point when I was there with her (and a brief recollection waking up in a bed with ugly striped curtains). We were able to leave somewhere closer to 7pm.

For those of you out there who deal with Alzheimer's, I poignantly feel your suffering. In that brief moment today I saw what it might be like living with someone you love dearly when they have no recollection of the world around them. Then again, I was lucky--Lynn recognized me.

Welcome

I just want to say welcome to all the people who are joining us here this week. News about my cancer seems to be spreading, and people have been incredibly great about calling, emailing, and generally getting in touch and showing support. Thanks, too, to everyone who shared my story, and I am glad that you felt the blog would be useful for people. We find it wonderfully therapeutic, and knowing you care about us makes this journey much easier.

The news of the day isn't really anything surprising. I got exactly what I wanted for my anniversary - Zack!