A Return to Normalcy

Today I almost could forget that Lynn has cancer. We woke up (after she slept close to 12 hours) and played some games (Europa Universalis 2 for those playing along at home). Then we spent an hour or so spreading mulch. That pooped out Lynn so we went inside for a bit to rest on the couch. Then it was off to the library and the store. We might have overdid it a bit as Lynn is out cold on the couch.

She has mentioned fatigue and sleepiness, but feels that much of it is the meds when it comes to grogginess. Now that we are off the pain medications, there is no nausea, but we don't want to decrease the current dosage (the standard on the label) of anti-nausea medications for fear of taking too little. Given the chemo and the cancer---what's the worst that can happen?

I worry that this will all become too mundane. I never want to take anything for granted anymore when it comes to Lynn. She is great and to squander that because of routine would be terrible. A human train, none-the-less, that pulls us under eventually. Comfort. Routine. Ennui.

We bought Lynn purple hair dye.....why not?

Of Crock Pots and Mulch

I am now convinced that I have been lead astray. Why have I never owned a crock pot before? It's the bachelor's answer to the cooked meal. I bought one yesterday just to try out this freezer crock pot meal I had bought a while back as a means to eat while Lynn was away. Lynn and Sarah made it today and it was great! And Lynn ate two bowls! I have seen the light.

This weekend's work is cut out for me--I just had 6 yards of mulch delivered. If anyone needs a workout, feel free to stop by. Should be days of fun. At least it's been too dry to cut the grass. I think I did that three weeks ago and it still doesn't need it. Plus there's movies, reading and dying Lynn's hair purple. If pictures are allowed, I'll try and post some.

Special note for all care givers: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT ask your patient to take their temperature after eating hot food. The temperature will be wrong. No need to freak yourself out.

Today Was a Good Day

...In the immortal words of Ice Cube.

As bad as yesterday was, today was good. Thanks to Sarah for coming up anyway because I was worried. Not only was Lynn not nauseous at all, but she had energy. I was treated to a pulled pork sandwich for dinner! I almost cried I was so happy (no, about her being well, not the pork). :-D

Addendum: We think it was the pain medication that caused the nausea. Great, huh?

I picked us up a crock pot so I can create some (hopefully edible) food stuffs. I think it's going to be a good thing for me to be able to put stuff together and then set it to cook while I'm away. As long as I don't create nauseating smells, it means I can add to the menu. Recipes are welcome.

Thanks to all of you who send get well cards. Lynn was very grateful.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Today was difficult on Lynn. The impact of yesterday's appointment really sunk in. It's hard to hear someone talk about you in a very clinical way. It wasn't that she was rude, just that she was logical to a fault. Some of that hit while we were at Dr B's today.

Lynn began some of the medications after that appointment for nausea and for pain. I think that all of them are helping but the nausea from the chemo really hit hard today. She barely ate anything at all that she kept down. I worry profusely, but on some level I just hope for the better days to make up for the bad ones.

There are no more doctor's appointments until the 20th. I think this may be a good thing, though it creates quite a bit of idle time for Lynn. Sleeping well first---eating and drinking second?

Meeting the Surgeon

OK, this one was hard. Dr. S has a great manner - very direct and to the point - but I just didn't want to hear some of the things she had to say. She recommends a full mastectomy rather than a partial, as it is so likely that the cancer cells have infiltrated the whole breast. I completely understand the rationale, and agree (at least, my reasonable self does). I don't think I am that attached to my breasts...not as breasts. But I am fairly attached to all of my bits. I grew them, after all. And then, at the very end of the visit, she suggested that, depending on the result of the BRACA genetic testing, I should consider 'doing both'. But I am not really ready to grapple with that just yet.

First step: Dr. S will insert (install?) a portacath before my next chemo. Hooray! Less needle sticks!

Second step: Three weeks after my last chemo treatment, we have the mastectomy. First week in December, if all goes well.

Delegating Love

Last night was a bit rough for Lynn. Some pain, some nausea and generally not sleeping well. Then I go to work in the morning when I'd rather stay with her. The drugs will help, but it's not all about the ailment.

It's hard to not be there. It's not that I don't trust anyone who is there for her while I'm not. It's just that my identity with Lynn is that of the provider and defender. A hopeless situation under the circumstances. I am limited as to what I can provide given my time. I am helpless to defend against everything that she is experiencing. So I sit here at work and think of being home with Lynn instead.

Thank you to everyone who has already volunteered a day. We have time slots open on the 13th, 14th, 20th and 21st of August and the 4th of September so far. I assume that each of you who come are an extension of me in some way---in taking care of Lynn and keeping her company so her mind is distracted from what is occuring. But of course, you are yourselves experiencing what is going on and will have your own experiences.

Day One

We went for our first visit today. I'll leave it to Lynn to give the details, but at this point we have a routine. Tuesdays for blood tests (until they're in house at the Oncologist's office), Wednesdays for chemo and Thursdays for growth hormone. We got another booklet of scripts that I'm off to fill. Antibiotics, anti-nausea, anti-friggen everything. Go modern medicine!

Every visit has so much information that it's hard to not get overwhelmed. Interesting news for those viewing from home: Lynn cannot be exposed to ANY sickness. One of the benefits of chemo is an extremely low white blood count. So keep that in mind if/when you are planning to visit.

Good News - finally!

THE CT IS CLEAN! THE CT IS CLEAN!

Translation: no metastasis/no spread of the cancer to the major organs

Further translation: I will be CURED of cancer, instead of just being sent into remission

THE CT IS CLEAN! THE CT IS CLEAN!

Nap City (in Blue)

The lull. The quiet before the storm.

There's not much to do today. We have a full fridge, no guests and an empty to-do list (or at least one that we're very comfortable ignoring for the day). Given the past few days (week+), it's a nice respite. I even got in a nap (if partially unsuccessful). So....what's next?

I think the next step is how to have life continue and still have support when needed. So far I have been able to work from home on Wednesdays and Lynn's parents will be here for Thursdays and Fridays (thanks Sarah and John!). Weekends are always good for friends from out of town to visit, but I'm not sure what the balance is between too little and too much. As I'm trying to keep work normal, we'll probably also need a Monday and Tuesday team as well (local volunteers accepted).

Side Note: Lynn and I constantly check the blog for comments. If your curious, we really enjoy them!

The Best Diet Ever

So a month ago, my doctor told me to lose 40 pounds - permanently. Over the past week I've had enough sweets to even make me want a salad. I lost 2 pounds. Sometimes there are cool things that happen for no reason.

At this point Lynn is done with all tests. We just sit around and wait for the final results (MUGA and CT) and interpretations to filter in. Next Monday (not Wednesday) Lynn has her first dose of chemo. I am lucky to have a boss/job as flexible as mine - it was not a problem to get Monday off at a moment's notice. Tuesday is the growth hormone (paired with chemo to allow Lynn to receive a treatment every two weeks instead of three) and the surgery consult.

After all the flurry of activity, it's hurry up and wait. And cross fingers. And burn sacrificial chickens.

And try not to have that one last cookie.