Last night was a bit rough for Lynn. Some pain, some nausea and generally not sleeping well. Then I go to work in the morning when I'd rather stay with her. The drugs will help, but it's not all about the ailment.
It's hard to not be there. It's not that I don't trust anyone who is there for her while I'm not. It's just that my identity with Lynn is that of the provider and defender. A hopeless situation under the circumstances. I am limited as to what I can provide given my time. I am helpless to defend against everything that she is experiencing. So I sit here at work and think of being home with Lynn instead.
Thank you to everyone who has already volunteered a day. We have time slots open on the 13th, 14th, 20th and 21st of August and the 4th of September so far. I assume that each of you who come are an extension of me in some way---in taking care of Lynn and keeping her company so her mind is distracted from what is occuring. But of course, you are yourselves experiencing what is going on and will have your own experiences.
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4 comments:
This is an incredibly beautiful and honest entry Z. It is big shoes to fill, but we intend to rise to the occasion when it is our turn to love.
I am slotted for the 17th of August for a day filled with good food sprinkled with love, gabster's famous pedicure with delux foot massage, and a Pride & Prejudice marathon. Zack, Mr. Darcy pales in comparison to you and your incredible spirit.
In addition to the 17th, I could also do August 21st.
Z, we are not so far removed from our predecessors. As a human, especially a male one, the protection instinct kicks in in times of high stress. I picture you in your finest growly protective mode pacing outside Lynn's door. It is quite a picture! Let me assure you that those who love Lynn will keep up the watch admirably, although I know this doesn't help alleviate your instincts. After all a retriever must fetch...
Zack, men for some unknown reason need to be "fixers". There is no tool you can use to fix the problem. We cannot "fix" illness, but we can give emotional support, touches & hugs. All that I see you are doing is that and much, much more. I am following the blog on a daily basis and am with both of you in spirit and whatever support I can give, if not in person than at least over the web, just as the picture in the card we sent Lynn. Dad
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